my word is law!

here's something an officemate of mine sent me. it's a bit long but worth the read. =)

My Word is Law
by Chris Caines

Today I am someone else; today I am the mind of the worst kind of
Internet user. Today I am the voice of no-one and the opinion of
everyone. Today, my word is law.

Firstly you already know me, I’ve always been around and I started out
bragging about how I had owned the same computer equipment as you, just
several months before you did and believe me I’ve had every single one,
from a PDP-11 to custom made X-Box. Whatever kit you’ve owned, I’ve
owned and if I didn’t own it, I’ll still forget more about it than
you’ll ever know. I’ve written software, I’ve worked on websites, I was
the first person to use an Animated Background and, as soon as they
become unpopular, I was the first person to tell you how lame they were.
Why didn’t you listen to me in the first place? PNGs are where it’s at,
although there’s no reason to be using graphics anyway. I was on the
development team for Lynx and it’s still the best browser out there, if
your site doesn’t support Lynx, it’s not worth visiting. Have you seen
my site? I did it all in Flash, I learnt it over a weekend from a book.
Flash sucks anyway, it’s all about DHTML.

orums give me a presence, they let me come into your world and tell you
how experienced I am at your subject. My car does 50 BHP more than
yours, my sex life is more interesting and varied and my grass ALWAYS
grows greener. Talking of Grass, I’ve taken the lot… I’ve smoked weed at
Woodstock, done E’s at Evolution and taken speed with the stars at the
Viper Lounge. I’ve done it all and I’m going to tell you about it until
you’re sick of me, because the best thing is that I never go away. Oh,
you can argue with me, but I’m always right. That’s because I’m well
versed in the art of second accounts and Chinese whispers, if I’m not
right, I’ll make myself right until you start to doubt yourself. By the
end of the thread, I’ll tell you Black is White and you’ll wonder why
you keep losing at Chess.

Bear in mind, I don’t limit myself to knowing more than you. I also hate
everything you like, disagree with everything you stand for and destroy
any beauty you create. Your taste in music is childish, a product of
sycophantic marketers who deserve to listen to something raw, gritty and
real, unless you like something eclectic, in which case you’re a freak,
an outsider who only likes it because it’s cool to be different. Either
way, I don’t care; I’ll argue with you anyway, personal taste is a
buzzing gnat which needs to be swatted.

I don’t play games, because games are for losers who need to get out
more, but did I mention I’m also the best player you’ve ever lost to at
CounterStrike and will own you at the first opportunity? I played solo
against team SK with just a knife and beat them all; I didn’t join them
though because I don’t really play it. I’ve played to 60 on Everquest
before the beta finished (They let me play to 60 to test how ‘Uber’ a
character could become) and completed Half Life II. I play test for
Valve, but they asked me not to tell anyone. Have you seen Doom 3 yet? I
have, it sucks; but it’ll be the greatest game ever.

’ve got so much money; I can buy all the stuff you don’t have. I made it
in the dot.com boom of the late 90s, then did my Doctorate in Computing
Science but gave it all up to live on a beach in Cornwall. I don’t have
ADSL because the exchange doesn’t reach that far, so BT gave me an E3 to
my house. Don’t talk to me about being poor, I’ve seen it all and lived
to tell the tale.

I have three machines with top of the range graphics cards in them,
running to twin 21” LCD monitors. My desktop runs in a resolution which
would make an Eagle squint, yet I don’t visit sites which don’t conform
to 640x480. All my games run at 200FPS in 1600x1200 with all the
settings up to max, although why you need to run a game over 26FPS
anyway is pointless because everyone knows that’s the highest rate your
eyes need to see a moving picture. I get 3DMark Scores in number ranges
that look like phone numbers, but I think synthetic benchmarks are
flawed and it’s the gaming performance that matters. I only put it in my
Signature so you know how pathetic your card is. You want to overclock
it, volt mod it and bios update it, THEN you might get a score like
mine. It’s all a waste of time anyway because anyone in their right mind
owns a Mac, did I say I watercool my GPU RAM?

I am everywhere. I’m in every forum, I’m in every chatroom. I’m a
simmering pot of misinformation and arrogant, opinionated verbal
diarrhoea. I’m never going to change, why should I? My word is Law.

source: bit-tech.net

don't you just hate these kinds of people? no? well, you're a more tolerant person than i am...